The universe conspired this week to reinforce a message for me. ✨

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You never know when you’ll hear that nugget of knowledge that hits home so hard it shakes you out of your normal “half attention” that we all seem to give to things these days.

I had that happen not just once but TWICE this week… a coincidence? I don’t think so.

One of my goals is to do more writing. Well, let me rephrase that - more writing, and more SHARING. I believe that conveying our life experiences and lessons ultimately nurtures our community while creating ease for others as their walk their own path. I can’t think of a more beautiful way to make an impact than to develop relationships and provide support around shared experiences.

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In my heart, I know this is a key way for me to do what I want to do most - help others - while continuing to fuel my passion for growing and learning. But like so many others, I found myself hitting the same roadblock over and over again - fear.

There are several elements to unpack in that four-letter F word. This week, the universe helped me hone in on one of them - the fear of judgment.

Here are the two sparks that came for me, and the tools I’m using to navigate through:

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✨SPARK #1

“Other people’s judgment only matters in relation to how we are judging ourselves.”

This mic drop statement came from Jasmine Star on an Instagram post. During an innocent scroll, I kind of “half heard” it as it originally played, but it registered just enough. I immediately went back and listened to it three more times. Then wrote it down. Posted it on a sticky. Saved it. And listened to it multiple times in the days since then.

Self-doubt is disguised as other people’s OPINIONS that we see and hear through the lens of the doubt we have in ourselves. WHOA. Now, what to do with this paradigm shift?

➡️After stopping me in my tracks, I thought about my hesitancy to write & publish and discovered fear of judgment as one of the root causes of what’s holding me back. Reframing it in the context of this statement felt like I was back in control and could figure out a way to take action. Here’s what I did next:

• Reflected on my “why”. Thinking about how much I care about fostering a supportive network through shared experiences (see above!) reminded me that it’s tough to do that if I’m not sharing my thoughts and stories.
• Reviewed personal experiences and accomplishments. Taking 15 minutes to think back through the last 3, 5, or 10 years and what I’ve learned, what I’m proud of, and their importance to my personal growth, bolstered my self-confidence around the things I want to say.

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✨SPARK #2

“Confidence is not a feeling, it is an ACTION.” THAT was a new definition for me, courtesy of the Mel Robbins podcast on her March 6, 2023 episode.

As I worked through the exercises in Spark #1, I realized my doubts weren’t centered around what I’ve learned, what I believe, or my passion for wanting to share experiences with others. The fear was more about stepping into new and unknown methods of sharing (honing my writing skills, using new technology, navigating social media differently, etc). Using this insight alongside reframing confidence as an ACTION, suddenly I can control how I can navigate through.

Confidence is a skill that is built by practicing courage through taking action. And courage really comes down to being willing to try. And trying is definitely something I can do.

➡️ I have learned and read a lot about tools that are designed around taking action. Two key levers for me in the context of fear of judgment came down to focusing on these:

• Prioritize the work. I am never going to get better at these new items if I don’t create space to work on them. Also, as I don’t have any outside accountability for this particular goal, it was really easy for me to put it off.
  • Timeblocking undisturbed time to work on the development of these skills has been invaluable.
  • Coupling that with some community support and visibility - even better!

A tool I've been using for these elements has been joining Momentum. Participating in community co-working at set times in the week helps me maintain consistency, and provides a space for me to share the goals I am working on and receive support (and tough love) from others.

• ​The 5 Second Rule by Mel Robbins. Yes, Mel has been a wealth of actionable knowledge for me over the years. This tool is the very first one I discovered, and it's still so helpful years later. Here’s how to use it:
  • Recognize when you’re hesitating to do what you need/want to.
  • Pause, and count 5-4-3-2-1 and then take the action you know you need to anyway (even though you don’t want to).
  • Rinse. Repeat.

In my specific case, using the co-working approach is giving me the space to build a consistent habit and get some outside support. The writing is working. Tools are getting set up. Great. Now, 5-4-3-2-1…publish. ✨

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❓As you read this, what is it that came to mind that YOU NEED to do, or are DREAMING of doing, but somehow you’re not moving forward? Trust your instincts and go with the first thing you thought of 🙂

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📢CALL TO ACTION​
Start by doing a quick exercise to get to the root cause of why you’re not taking action. How to do that? A quick tool to start with is the 5 Whys (asking “Why” in response to each answer to dig deeper than the initial reaction).

1. Why am I not writing and publishing more? I haven’t been making the time.
2. Why am I not making the time? There are so many unknowns about getting started.
3. Why am I not getting familiar with what I need to start? I am not making the time to work on it.
4. Why am I not making the time to work on it? I am afraid to.
5. Why am I afraid? I worry about what others will think/being judged. 💥

Did fear of judgment arise as one of your “aha” barriers? If so, try working through some of the examples above and identifying steps to build into the coming days and weeks to make progress.

I’d love to hear what you discover, what you’re trying, or what’s worked for you in the past! Remember, the world needs to hear your voice too!

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~Kim ✨

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